Nonsense Nonsequiturs & Innuendo

Monday, December 18, 2006

Cookies & High Horses...

Adam and I went to the city this weekend to go ice skating. We had a lot of fun. No falls. Yay us! A few brilliant recoveries by Adam. Go Adam!

On our way back to the BART station we stopped in at the 7-Eleven to get a beverage. Near the open door stood a homeless man. As we walked into the store he asked me to buy him a “roll”. I continued into the store, grabbed my drink and stood in line for the register. Once I got up to the register I thought about the homeless man again and saw that there were fresh baked cookies right in front of me, so I bought the 3 pack and headed back out to the street.

As I walked out of the store I approached the homeless man and started to hand him the cookies in my head planning to follow that up with a “Happy Holidays, Sir”. As I reached out to give him the cookies I was very much startled when he pointed into the store and said, “No, I asked for a roll!” Um. Really? What is happening here? He didn’t seem to want the cookies so I said, “Ummm, ok. I’ll keep the cookies then.” I looked into the store and saw that he was pointing to a sweet roll. Adam and I walked away, shortly after that opened up the cookies and found that they were delectable.

What ever happened to “beggars can’t be choosers” Mr. Homeless man?! HUH?!

“No, I asked for a roll…” Happy Holidays, Sir.

P.S. Earlier this month I read this story about a “controversial” ad campaign being rolled out in SF. Clever advertisers were hoping to use our sense of smell as another way into our pockets. Brilliant? Yes. Here’s a little snippet from one of the many articles written about this new ad idea. This lady is against the ads…It baffles me, really it does.

“…it's infuriating to think of the hungry among us (many of whom frequent the bus shelters) being forced to sniff cookies they can't even afford to buy.”

Um, ma’am, I tried to buy “the hungry among us” some cookies and uh, he wasn’t havin’ it. So according to my very small sample, your concern isn’t quite the philanthropic reality. Please be careful when dismounting that very high horse.

Thursday, September 28, 2006

Things that rhyme with tea...

I went to a sushi restaurant for lunch today and the food was very yummy. Upon arriving at the restaurant I became aware of my borderline uncontrollable urge to pee; which I blame on the 32oz bottle of tea that I've been refilling all day long. The tea had been refreshing up until the moment I became convinced that my bladder would burgeon tea streams on and about the tiny Japanese hostess. Thinking " Thanks for the menu lady, I-GOT-TO-GO!" I rushed to the ladies room only to find that the one pot palace was inhabited by another female. And I truly mean inhabited, that woman took up residence in the ladies! But you don't care about hearing about HER bathroom story; you want to hear about mine, so I'll continue.

What did I do? Duh, I went to the men’s room, took care of my emergency, and then put the toilet seat back UP. Mmmmm hmmmm, I left the facility as it was found.

So fellas, please don’t tell me it’s impossible to remember such details as toilet seat orientation. Just don’t.

And now I must get back to my bottle of tea.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

An update, for Jeremy and Valerie.


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Thursday, August 24, 2006

There is no one alive who is youer than you - Dr. Seuss